Recharging the Batteries

Had lunch with a friend the other day and he told me he had signed to get his social security payments. He's been out of work for over a year but despite numerous interviews he hasn't gotten one offer. Not even a second interview nibble. Since it seemed that his career was at a deadend, he decided to throw in the towel and retire. This was sad, of course, and I did try to think of ways to revive his energy and will to carry on the search. But it also got me thinking about my writing and those times when it just seems so hard -- too hard -- (which seems to happen more frequently these days) and how I get beyond that.*
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Well, for starters I know perfectly well that I can never really retire. Kids in school, debts, no handy pile of cash, etc., etc. In other words, the typical writer's life. So I begin by knowing I have to write until my publishers retire me.*
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But how to put that scenerio off for as long as possible? *
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I begin with the projects I work on. Years ago I realized that if I can't sustain a passionate interest in a topic over the years required to research, write, revise, and revise again and again, collect images, answer editorial and production questions, that the text would reflect this. So I am constantly analyzing how I feel about a project. And if I sense an emotional letdown -- that feeling that something's not right, those worries about whether anyone will want to read what I'm writing, whether I've really figured out how to say what I want to say properly -- I think over causes and solutions and totally re-evaluate the project. And sometimes I have to admit defeat, back away from a project, and get cracking on something I truly love.*
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There's also the changing nature of publishing and the world in general, that notion that things are passing me by and might even be leaving me far, far behind. No self-pity here; just an attempt to analyze a situation as objectively as possible. This notion of dislocation I decided to attack head-on -- or as head-on as my ancient brain can handle. It's one of the reasons I was happy to be a part of INK and do this blog. A once a month post is not heavy-lifting in the blog-world (how does Betsy Bird have the energy to do what she does at Fuse #8 every day, I'm always asking myself). But this blog is a start. And then we have our video-conferencing and publishing arm and more. And we just added a iPad to our household, a gadget that we'll be playing with and trying to figure out in the days ahead. Yes, these are tiny steps, but they're headed in the right direction and with some effort I can keep it moving forward (this week, for instance, is "read all of Vicki's recent e-mails and figure things out!" week). In short, these little learning moments help ease those annoying times of self-doubt enough to help me focus on the work at heand*
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Finally, I draw energy from my fellow nonfiction writers for kids. I am always reading other folks' books, studying how they shaped their texts, guessing what some of their decision making was like, looking carefully at the images and design, and admiring numerous other aspects of their books. Jim Giblin has a real knack for establishing themes and developing them throughout the text; Susan Campbell Bartoletti manages to make some very nasty subject matter work for kids (think Hitler Youth and They Called Themselves the K.K.K.), Russell Freedman writes in a clear, concise, direct way that obviously engages readers; Deborah Heiligman's Charles and Emma is multi-layered and complex, but also extremely readable. I read these authors and many, many others and feel challenged and renewed. What a great subject they took on, I tell myself. Unusual, not necessarily curriculum focused, but still immediate and riveting. How can I get that element of drama, that level of passion or emotion, that depth of character development into my own work? I might brood a while over all of this, might even have a flash of inspiration or insight about something I'm working on. What I do know is that after a while my negative thoughts, my personal demons, have evaporated to some degree, my head feels clearer, and I'm ready to plunge back into my own writing.*
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I wondered if anyone else goes through similar highs and lows and what sort of process you use to work through these rough spots? Right now I have to charge up the iPad and start noodling with it, but I'll be back and hope to learn more about how others deal with these darker moments. *
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P.S. If we don't talk again soon, I hope everyone has a great and happy bunch of December holidays.